A Tale of Awkward People and Awkward Moments

When you’re in a bind and ask for help, if you’re sincere, the other person will definitely sense it. Don’t expect to get help by using a flattering tone in a moment of crisis. Experienced people all understand: the more unusually ingratiating someone’s tone is, the more that person is a wolf in sheep’s clothing — and the more vicious they turn once the mask drops.

Here’s how it went down: at noon today I was playing tai chi on the keyboard with the 26 English letters and a pile of special characters, when suddenly ding-ding-ding — a QQ message came in.

X.xiaohui 11:07:35 Off to lunch? (This message was sent by your friend via mobile QQ. To try mobile QQ, please log in at: http://mobile.qq.com/c ) Mousebomb 11:07:35 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:07:47 What is it? Writing code X.xiaohui 11:08:50 It’s garbled — traditional characters Mousebomb 11:08:49 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:09:05 So you’re busy Mousebomb 11:09:05 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:09:11 What’s the matter X.xiaohui 11:09:42 I want to ask you a favor Mousebomb 11:09:42 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:10:52 I came to Beijing all alone and I’m flat broke Mousebomb 11:10:51 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:10:55 [](http://cdn.mousebomb.org/blog/personalblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/PVSCAJM1FBYMS2LR5JU6.gif) Mousebomb 11:10:55 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:13:29 [ Mousebomb 11:13:28 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:13:42 ??? Mousebomb 11:13:43 Briefly and concisely lay out the situation you’re in and how you need me to help. Mousebomb 11:13:56 I’m the one who’s broke right now X.xiaohui 11:17:27 It’s just that I came to Beijing and there’s very little work to take on. I’ve been working on something for over a month and now it’s about to break the contract. I’m dead broke and can’t even afford three meals a day. I sincerely want to borrow 100 from you for food. I’ll wire it to you by the 30th at the latest. Help me out this once Mousebomb 11:17:26 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:20:10 If you can help me get through these few days, I’m even willing to pay back a bit more on the 30th. I really have no other way now… Mousebomb 11:20:09 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:20:50 Save me please[ Mousebomb 11:20:50 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:21:32 Man. You can’t really be that bad off. Do you have no foothold in Beijing? Mousebomb 11:21:52 Haven’t you asked your family for money? X.xiaohui 11:22:16 Exactly. I just up and went there on a whim Mousebomb 11:22:15 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:23:32 You went alone? What about your team? X.xiaohui 11:23:43 Just help me this once, 100 is enough. I’d really be endlessly grateful. I truly have no other way Mousebomb 11:23:42 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:23:42 Why not ask your family for money? X.xiaohui 11:23:58 555 Mousebomb 11:23:58 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. Mousebomb 11:24:14 Jeez. You’re out there out of money and you don’t ask your family, you ask a random internet friend. That completely baffles me X.xiaohui 11:24:37 After we finished the Taiwan client’s project at the end of last year, everyone went their separate ways Mousebomb 11:24:36 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 11:26:56 It’s just borrowing 100. I can pay you back on the 30th. I’ve got nothing to eat. I’m going out of my mind. If you can spare 100, please help me out, okay? I really don’t know what to say X.xiaohui 11:27:09 Please X.xiaohui 11:27:43 Borrowing 100 isn’t the problem. The problem is why you’re borrowing it from me Mousebomb 11:28:43 Just have your family wire you some money, wouldn’t that do it? Such a simple thing. Why make it complicated X.xiaohui 11:30:59 Some of my other friends I can’t bring myself to ask, and some I can’t reach right now. I got on QQ and saw you, so I had to ask you for help. I believe your kind heart will sympathize with me. I really couldn’t think of any other way Mousebomb 11:32:09 Don’t beat around the bush with me. I’m asking why you won’t ask your family for money. By your own logic, why should I believe you’ll be able to pay me back on the 30th? Are you being responsible to yourself? To your friends?

X.xiaohui 11:33:08 If you were like me, with nothing to eat since yesterday afternoon and no money on you, you’d know how desperate I am Mousebomb 11:33:58 You can get on QQ on your phone, so can’t you call home? Right now I suspect your QQ’s been hacked and I don’t know who’s stringing me along. Tencent and the internet police uncle say: during conversations don’t easily trust money transfer or prize-winning messages, and don’t call unfamiliar numbers. X.xiaohui 11:34:24 I’ve got a job to deliver on the 30th, so I can pay you back Mousebomb 11:34:35 Don’t beat around the bush with me. I’m asking why you won’t ask your family for money. X.xiaohui 11:35:21 There’s only my mom at home, and I haven’t been able to reach her since yesterday either X.xiaohui 11:35:37 X.xiaohui 11:36:37 I called, hasn’t it just not gone through X.xiaohui 11:37:10 Sigh… Mousebomb 11:37:24 Hard to believe X.xiaohui 11:37:51 Last time you transferred a few yuan to me. That surely wasn’t a hack X.xiaohui 11:39:08 [![E9BIPM$_9}VS07`VD9H1F[1]](http://cdn.mousebomb.org/blog/personalblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/E9BIPM_9VS07VD9H1F1.gif) Mousebomb 11:39:34 If I were you, if I was about to run out of money I’d call home and tell them, and now that the phone won’t even go through, I’d be more worried about home than about myself. You’ve only been starving since yesterday — isn’t that something you cooked up yourself X.xiaohui 11:41:13 That’s just how it is Mousebomb 11:41:34 In this situation, asking the client who’s going to pay you on the 30th for an advance is reasonable X.xiaohui 11:41:43 Just help me out Mousebomb 11:42:16 I do help, but I teach a man to fish, I don’t hand him a fish X.xiaohui 11:42:41 It’s not that I didn’t ask, they won’t give it until the work is done Mousebomb 11:43:32 ![)QN1UH78VKP2T7)IA]ZM(FW](http://cdn.mousebomb.org/blog/personalblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/QN1UH78VKP2T7IAZMFW.gif) That’s just absurd X.xiaohui 11:43:58 It’s not even a lot, the 30th will absolutely work X.xiaohui 11:44:21 Just have some mercy X.xiaohui 11:44:59 I really have no way, and I don’t know how to say it X.xiaohui 11:45:05 [ X.xiaohui 11:45:54 I’m really begging you Mousebomb 11:46:53 == You’re in Beijing X.xiaohui 11:48:39 Yeah X.xiaohui 11:58:40 I’ve been here almost a month X.xiaohui 12:01:00 Now I finally get how a single cent can bring a hero to his knees, sigh… Mousebomb 12:00:59 Hello, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you later. X.xiaohui 12:02:23 Mousebomb 12:02:38 A hero is someone who can still solve the problem in a situation like this X.xiaohui 12:11:44 Just save me this once (This message was sent by your friend via mobile QQ. To try mobile QQ, please log in at: http://mobile.qq.com/c ) X.xiaohui 12:11:57 Please X.xiaohui 12:14:24 Brother Reid X.xiaohui 12:16:25 Brother Reid… (This message was sent by your friend via mobile QQ. To try mobile QQ, please log in at: http://mobile.qq.com/c ) X.xiaohui 12:16:45 [ X.xiaohui 12:18:22 Say something Mousebomb 12:19:20 It didn’t go through X.xiaohui 12:20:42 Brother Reid X.xiaohui 12:21:19 Are you eating? I want to eat too, so hungry… X.xiaohui 12:23:26 Just use your kind heart to help me this once, okay X.xiaohui 12:28:05 I just got disconnected (This message was sent by your friend via mobile QQ. To try mobile QQ, please log in at: http://mobile.qq.com/c ) X.xiaohui 12:28:55 Just help me out, Brother Reid X.xiaohui 12:29:41 Brother Reid X.xiaohui 12:30:26 Can you give me an answer? Mousebomb 12:31:20 1. Ask your family 2. Ask your client 3. Ask classmates you know well 4. Ask people from your old team X.xiaohui 12:31:03 [ X.xiaohui 12:32:15 All of those you mentioned failed X.xiaohui 12:32:29 That’s why… Mousebomb 12:32:34 Then heaven wants you dead X.xiaohui 12:32:48 [](http://cdn.mousebomb.org/blog/personalblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/PVSCAJM1FBYMS2LR5JU1.gif) X.xiaohui 12:33:19 I knew you had no compassion X.xiaohui 12:35:32 I curse you to never find a wife X.xiaohui 12:35:42 Hmph… Mousebomb 12:38:17 I knew you wouldn’t pass the test Mousebomb 12:39:01 One face when you’re asking for help, and the moment you don’t get it you flip. If you keep this up, the one you’re letting down is yourself. Heaven helps those who help themselves. X.xiaohui 12:39:15 I knew you were just messing with me on purpose Mousebomb 12:39:41 If all women were like you, I’d never bother finding a wife. Messing with you? I’m not lending you anything. X.xiaohui 12:40:40 I’m not short of money X.xiaohui 12:40:54 I’ve got plenty X.xiaohui 12:41:58 You piece of garbage, get far away from me

After that I just closed the window — I was dead, far, far away.

But at that moment I understood: no wonder a girl like her had failed at all of them during her “time of trouble” — 1. Ask your family 2. Ask your client 3. Ask classmates you know well 4. Ask people from your old team.

There’s a thing in this world called character, and it works wonders. Deposit a drop of water in ordinary times, and in hard times you’ll have a whole ocean. The reverse is just courting your own destruction…

When you’re in a bind and ask for help, if you’re sincere, the other person will definitely sense it. Don’t expect to get help by using a flattering tone in a moment of crisis. Experienced people all understand: the more unusually ingratiating someone’s tone is, the more that person is a wolf in sheep’s clothing — and the more vicious they turn once the mask drops.

As someone seeking help, you need to be clear about your own situation, and clear about the other person’s situation too. Nobody owes you anything from birth. Someone’s living their life just fine, and suddenly because they won’t help you, you curse them. Of all things, this kind of hair-trigger hostility toward others hurts you the most — it makes your future life and career go badly, and leaves you annoyed at everyone you meet. Conversely, a person with joy in their heart treats others with generosity and kindness, and they tend to get help from all sides in what they do.

If you’re the kind of friend who loves to help others, you also need to be careful of people like this. Many people set out to help others and end up doing thankless work, or even get scammed and lose far more than they gave. Don’t harbor the intent to harm others, but don’t drop your guard either — even a gentleman has principles and limits. Before helping someone, you must understand exactly what’s going on. Take this girl who was chatting with me above — she’s alone in a strange city, has money to get on QQ on her phone and ask someone she’s never met to lend her money, but can’t manage to borrow from the friends and relatives she’s known since childhood, from classmates she’s met face to face, or from colleagues. My guess at the time was that she either ran away from home or she’s a scammer. A person of normal intelligence, taking responsibility for themselves, would never end up in a situation like that.

Maybe it’s my ignorance, maybe I’ve never lived through that kind of hardship where she couldn’t even afford a meal, but I believe that a person with good qualities will find helpful people wherever they go. Same as before: you need good character. In hard times you’ve got to keep a broad view — when your heart is at peace, things go smoothly.

My wish for everyone who has lost themselves in the city: may you find your innocent heart again, and regain the joy and contentment that were yours from birth.